It's been almost a year since I've last written in here, I'm probably rusty now. lol. I'm no longer in Texas...I've been sent to South Korea. It's been an alright experience but then again, there's always the type of people that like to make the worse of any situation. But meh...I digress. The past year: things in Texas were getting bothersome so I volunteered to go overseas, now I'm overseas and happier than I was before but still...I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that I need to go out more and experience the culture and all of that jazz. But I am going out Saturday to meet up with a friend, so everything will start to look up.

I haven't written anything here in forever but me and a friend of mine wrote a poem and i think it came out really well...ummm that's about it lol

Cross my heart and hope to?

I heard every word you had to say

And said every word you had to hear

True it is my fault

I felt so alive

I would live out my whole life

To feel that way again

Believing every line was true

I let myself down

I trusted you

You can't remember all of the things

That you would like to forget

But I won't forget all of the things

That you can't remember

I need to hear your voice like ice;

So cold as you tell me I had it all wrong

Tell me anything

Anything to keep me breathing

Just don't lie to me

Or say that you never will

So, go ahead! Fire Away!

I'll listen as you lift your knife

Slowly please, I don't want to miss a word

I told you all of my secrets

I need this

So cut me!

Leave me alone! Let me bleed!

But give me something to keep me breathing

I'm not ready for this

I am not ready to die

I care for you more than words could ever say

Let me in! I'm begging you.

With your dagger slipping into my chest

I'm begging just to bleed

To bleed this broken heart out

Upon the things that I would die to forget

I would die to forget them

I promise.

Just save me those final breaths

I will breathe you in, hear every line

Right there in your arms

As the blood slowly drips

Down a sharpened edge 

You'll choose whether I live or die

Whether we live or die

Don't leave me

Just drop the knife

Tell me anything to keep me breathing

Here in this moment as I lie dying

I'd breathe my last breath for you

Things go up...things go down...and go back up again...then back down...but life is full of ups and downs is it not...it's natural...like Newton's law...gravity...does gravity apply to moods? I don't know...one moment depressed as hell...then doing something random to forget about it...hitting a high point then going back down....I don't like this particular ranting because I feel like I'm a whiny emo kid...but whatever I don't care...my mood hasn't been exactly stable as of late...it's cool though...it happens from time to time...i should be used to it by now...o well o well...I have friends to keep me from thinking too much...my g/f is going through some stuff of her own...she kinda distancing herself from everyone but she knows i'm here for here...to comfort her, just listen or whatever. Ahh I cut off all the stupid people that i thought were friends from home and it feels so good not to worry about who said what about me. It was just stupid..

So after the whole thing of her getting pissed at me. It was awkward at first, she was so pissed then last night i finally got her to talk to me...so it seems that she hurt...and pissed off at the same time because she felt that I compared her to old things from the past...so we talked for a few hours and hopefully everything will go back to the way they were...I miss those days...it was funny even after the argument she still bugs me to marry her (she always does it...after like a month we were together...she was like "so when are you going to marry me") We've only been together for 5 and a half months and she keeps getting more and more persistant with this whole marriage thing. I don't know what I think about it. I can't see myself with anyone else because I've never been as happy with someone as I am with her. It's weird. Then I don't want to wait until I get stationed somewhere else and have to leave, either forcing me to ask her then or try to go on without her *which i don't see happening* Then my mom called me and told me she had a "nightmare" that I got married....which is really the stupidest thing I've ever heard. but it turns out that was a lie and she just wanted to see what I would say. But anyways, I degress. So yes yes...I know I feel something for her that i've never felt before for another human being before...perhaps we she could be that one for me. I don't know...I've been thinking about it...going around looking at rings and things like that you know. I don't know what I should do...I want to be with her forever I really do...but I tend to let other people's opinions weigh heavily on me...even before what I want and that has hurt me a lot in the past so I'm thinking just screw what everyone else things...this is for me and her.

I'm at work right now (can you believe i get paid for this?!?) lol but i started thinking about this past week, about all the stuff that's been going on, it's been quite eventful. My girlie Kim came to stay with me for the week and we had lots of fun doing random things. that's one of the many things i love about her, we can go to wal-mart at 2 in the morning and have the most fun and we're both happy with it. she's awesome like that. Then I have one of my ex's friends from back home trying to lie and tell her that I'm cheating on her and stuff, knowing that i would never do anything like that. I don't know...it's stupid. The worse thing is that Kim took some of that to heart knowing that's exactly what Heather wanted her to do. I'll help her get over it though. I know we will make it through :) There's alot of other things that happened but I really don't feel like typing that much. O well o well. I'm about to watch an episode of Band of Brothers (once again...can't believe i get paid for this lol)